How can this be fair? I am okay with the wrinkles and even the pimples, but all three? Come on. The wrinkles are from, well, age. The pimples are from the new chemo meds, and God knows what the cancer is from. Well, at least I still have some hair, because then I would have zits, lines, cancer and be bald!
Where is the cancer from? I wish I knew. It's not genetic, I don't fit into any of the categories, you know, male, over 70, bad diet, smoker. I really should have been smoking and drinking my brains out all this time. I haven't even used conventional deodorant for the past 25 years because of the aluminum salts may lead to dementia. Again, I have to look on the bright side, I am very lucky that I don't have any other ailments. So I come to cancer from a place of health. I feel great and sometimes go for hours without thinking about having cancer. Sometimes, I just plum forget. And it's not even that bad when I remember. I think when I had my epiphany in the hospital, things just got easier.
My epiphany went like this. It was right after the pain meds stopped working and the docs got the meds back in order, the next morning I thought "F*ck this." That was it. What that meant to me is that I am not going to scared anymore. That if I can live through one of my biggest fears (uncontrolled pain), then I am not going to live in fear. And that is when everything got better. Even with my new crop of pimples. Thank God.
You are an amazingly strong and wise human being Ruth! I continue to gain so much wisdom and strength from your blog. Lots of love!
ReplyDeleteSend me your address......sounds like you need the "zit queen" crown handed over to you. Hugs, k
ReplyDelete