Living Proof

Here's a not that great photo of me tonight. I felt I needed to post it to prove that I am still alive. So here I am in all my messy glory. I spent most of the day in bed, napping and trying to stay warm. It's about 60 degrees here and this drug makes me very cold sensitive - already. I had to put my granola in the microwave to get the chill off the milk. 

I have to admit, it has been a very difficult couple of days. I have been very sad and worried. I am trying to pull myself out of it. I have gotten tons of email, mail and calls to lift my spirits. What to do? Keep doing what you are doing, because this will not last that long. By this, I mean my funk, not my life. I have to get it together to get back into life. To love me peeps, to play and open my eyes wide for the rest of my life - 2 months, 10 years, who knows? No one ever knows, we like to believe we do, but we don't. I just have something that reminds me that I am mortal every day. 

Pat threw her back out and Bennett has a cold in her chest. We are quite the wreck of a family today. We snuggled in the bed and watched movies, Pat distracted B a lot today, so I could nap and cry. That's true, I did cry a lot today. I can't tell if it helps, or keeps me in the morass. I am also considering posting on Facebook that I have cancer. I have about 100 Facebook friends and I don't want them to find out after I die. That doesn't seem very nice. But I think I have to cull the friends first, some of them were just the mistakes we all make when we first get onto Facebook.

Nancy would discourage me from preparing for my demise. She's right, but I just can't get there yet. She says that until the very moment I draw my last breath, I am alive and living. Again, she is right, and I am trying mightily to get there with her. I think it's the combination of the new drugs and the news that is making this recovery especially hard. I will keep working and talking to praying and asking for help. And I will got out of it and back into life. Mark my words.