Posting with Tomato Toast

Doing my best to get through those pesky tomatoes. I ate one on toast for dinner and made tomato jam this morning. I thought the jam would use a lot of tomatoes, but 18 oz. is not that much - tomato-wise. The jam is flipping amazing, it has ginger, garlic and fish sauce in it. I had some on my tomato sandwich. It was good.

So, I have been asking myself if today was a day well-lived. Not really. I would say I can do better. I cleaned the house, getting ready for the rainy weekend. I know it's just going to get messed up again, but it was okay. I made the already mentioned tomato jam, took Bennett to the book store and put her to bed (there were other things in there...). I have been feeling just a smidge dissatisfied all day and I don't know why. I have everything I need. I am alive. My birthday is coming up - 46 - feels like a milestone to celebrate. But I just feel little yucky inside and I can't name it. I wish I could.

Of course I feel guilty about it. I think mostly I am tired of being tired. I am taking care of B on my own this weekend (not entirely true, there are Aunties pitching in) and just tonight I could feel how tired in my core I am. It's not the kind of tiredness that I can sleep away, it something else. It also makes me feel more reliant on others, and I am. And I am grateful for the loving help I get, I should say we get because it helps all three of us.

Tonight I will go to bed early and if the the weather reports are right, we will be spending most of the day at the club. A last hurrah before it closes after next weekend. I will try my best to be patient and calm with Bennett and ease into the day so I don't get too tired. Bennett needs some time at home too. And I will hopefully report back that I have had a well-lived day. Wish me luck.