Not as hard as number 1, but not easy either. I was so naive, I remember pointing to my gut and saying things like, get ready to die the chemo is coming. I am not as gung-ho anymore. I just got an email from an acquaintance who has the same diagnosis. She had 50% tumor shrinkage in just a few months. I am jealous in a way that doesn't make me feel like a good person. In fact it makes me not want to answer her email, which is not very nice. Sometimes having cancer makes me not very nice. Or maybe is just being human.
I am sitting posting, Pat and B are getting to bad. I just ate a half a papaya and I hope it agrees with me. I sucked it down like it was the last food on earth. It's the steroids. It is what it is.
I am tired, I should be getting to bed. But I need to drink water and start flushing my system. I don't have a lot to say about the 20th chemo. It happened. There you go.
I feel better than number 19, which I am grateful for. I just want to be myself, feel like myself, have the same energy that I used to have. I just want a chemo-free life. But that is not is not anywhere in the near future, but I am still hopeful.
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