I have been sitting on my butt all day. I think my butt is flatter than is was this morning. There is so much snow outside I am worried about the roof caving in. I keep reminding myself, the roof has been standing for about 100 years, a little snow is not going to defeat it.
All non-essential workers were ordered to stay home today. I made me think a lot about essential-ness today. As I get more and more used to the idea that my life will be shorter than I would like, I have been feeling less and less essential. I used to believe that the world would not go on unless I was in it. I suppose in the bigger picture that is true for me, but for the ones left the world continues. And that is so interesting to me. That the beginning of death is birth. I just read that somewhere. It's so hard to fathom, but it's true.
This is all good. It sounds very morose, but it calming to me in a big way. The same way that it calmed me to hear Dr W's explanation of how someone with a failing liver dies. Very peacefully. He said you just get sleepier and sleepier, until the end. He said that he knows much worse ways to go. He also reminded me, quite emphatically, that I am not where near that and that I should take some time to get my kid to Disney. He really said that. We are going to England instead.
That is my post for tonight. I am exhausted from doing nothing but answering Bennett's one million whys today. And I can tell you that it is hard to explain why the queen wants Snow White to eat the apple.
If you think of "essential" not as the city supervisors do, but as do the philosophers, as in being part of or inherent to the very essence of a thing or a person, then I am certain that many of us would profess that you are "essential" to us and always will be. Love you very much.
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