What I mean to say is that I am minding my business and that it good. That I am staying in the moment and keeping myself here, now. It's not always easy, as my mind has been straying a little to tomorrow's doctors appts. I am pretty sure I know what they are going to say - my incision has healed well, that I am ready for chemo and that it will start on next Tuesday. I don't know what drugs they will use, but that will be revealed.
I was just remembering my last appt with the doc. She told me the pathology came back on the tumors they removed and that they were cancerous. I had been crying about something else, but the only thing I could think of to say to her was "no shit." I didn't fancy there was any other thing the tumors would be. But those tumors are long gone into the ether medical waste and I couldn't be happier. Now we move onto the liver.
I had a nice day. Tried to sleep in but Bennett insisted on watching this horrid Little Pony video. What makes it horrid is not that the ponies are all pastel colors and named things like twinkle and winky, but that they have these weird fake accents. Like one someone who didn't know better would use - fake Chinese, fake Mexican. It's sort of weirdly racist or something. Anyway, that woke me up, we hung out until it was time to take B to school (it opened a little late because of the snow). I went to acupuncture - it was incredible. I wish I could have acupuncture every day. I literally started singing "Day Dream Believer" by the Monkeys half way through the session. When Nancy came back into the room I asked why my mood had changed so dramatically, and she revealed the happy/calm spot where she put a needle. It was good.
Did I say that I drove myself? I did, and I loved the freedom. I went to get B from school by myself and have been having a lovely family evening ever since. The storm didn't amount to much - maybe 4-6 inches. We have these huge piles of snow in front of our house. If we get much more I am not sure where Pat will put it.
Please think good clear pink liver thoughts for me. I have been visualizing a healthy functioning liver and I like the way it looks.
You're working very hard to stay positive and it seems to be paying off. We'll be thinking about you this evening.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
Ruth, I don't like those ponies too much, either. I think maybe they are trying to be "inclusive" with those silly accents, but come off sounding just the opposite. We recently watched an old one, without the accents, but the creatures all had these annoying cutesy Shirley Temple voices-- just like that damn Pinky Pie pony that my sister gave Avy !! Uugh. Anyway, glad you had a nice day and hoping for more of those for you!
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I'm thinking good-clear-pink-liver, daydream-believer-and-a-homecoming-queen good thoughts for you Ruth! And lots of love!
ReplyDeleteAh, yes, I saw that pink liver of yours clear and healthy...and humming along doing its duty inside of you. Yup, saw that and will focus on it. I will also visualize melting snow for Pat!! Hugs and love, Karen B
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