I slept until noon today and already want to get into bed for the night. Pat got me out of bed, she is right that it is not good for my head or body to be in bed all day. I went with her to pick up Bennett from visiting her old preschool. I didn't get out of the car - but I did get out of the house. It was a beautiful day. The rest of the day was spent with Bennett on the couch. I did a ton of leaning forward without really knowing it and now my tummy is sore sore sore. And I am tired. It's one thing to be in the hospital getting better, it's another thing answering a three and half year olds "whys" for half the day. Delightful, life affirming, but exhausting.
Pat says we have to have a project every day. Tomorrow my job is to help prime a book shelf in the new bedroom. Seems reasonable. Tonight we will finish watching the #6 Harry Potter - I couldn't make it through the whole thing last night.
So, how am I? Tired, sad, happy to be healing so well. Trying desperately to stay in the moment. It's my biggest challenge. So many tempting lies and half-truths to keep me scared and sad. The real truth is all we have is now. This is true for all of us, not that we want to admit it, we are all mortal. I've just been given the biggest kind of reminder that can be given. So take it from me - just take a moment to love the ones you are with. Admire them and remind them why you love them. Remind them why it is good to be this crazy Earth with them.
Hi Ruth- it makes sense that you would veer from elation to deep sadness in this post-surgery period. You have been through so much in such a short period of time and you still have so much ahead of you. I admire how you have handled it all.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard for any of us to stay in the moment, but when you become afraid of what tomorrow may bring, remind yourself that you really do have a strong warrior body and mind. Who would have thought you'd be out of the hospital in less than five days? Who knows what healing your body is capable of, with the assistance of modern medicine?
And being with a three year old all day-- even half a day--is exhausting for anyone, let alone someone who just got out of major surgery.
Wishing you a peaceful, restful night tonight and a good day tomorrow.
Love, Sandy
Thanks for the advice, my wise warrior friend! I'm listening to your advice to us all to live in the moment as you are having to do on a much larger scale. I'm worrying about a big thing on Wednesday that could mean a big (good) change for me, and almost missed the opportunity to be the friend that reads your blog today, and spends some time with Bob tonight. Always good to hear you speaking truth and seeing what you have to teach me. I'm praying and sending healing waves your way, strength and comfort to Pat and Bennett and Mary! Jim
ReplyDeleteMmmm, love those mood swings. I guess you're still among the living, along with the rest of us...you're just swinging more intensely, aren't you. So much stuff to process, it's really hard to just give your brain a wee break now and then and just lay back and breathe. While you do that, know that Evan and I are holding you tightly in our hearts and sending wishes for quick healing and not overdoing 'it' (whatever 'it' is).
ReplyDeletehugs,
Linda and Evan