Getting Through the Super Ugh

I not much better, I have to say. I am working through it and that's all I can do. I had a list of chores to do, which I punctuated with a cheering call with Mary. I went to the yarn store to get some more yarn for the sweater I am making for Bennett - I was one ball short. Then I picked up a super soft, gorgeous yarn for a sleeping hat for Mary. I am hoping the neuropathy in my fingers settles down so I can knit comfortably. I went to the local Coop to get some whole wheat pastry flour for the homemade pancake mix I keep in the freezer- of course I ended up getting things like freeze dried cherries and garlic to plant. I don't make there very often, but they have great stuff.

My fingers were hurting so much I decided to go to the Mtn Goat (a clothing store for outdoors people) to get some gloves. My favorite gloves are fingerless and that will not do this year - so I got some very technical looking gloves that are very thin and warm. I also couldn't resist some cute socks for B. Then to a mind bending acupuncture session.

I am convinced the chemo makes me have feary thoughts. Last night I figured out that I needed to go shopping for black dresses for Bennett - and that I would have to get a series of sizes just in case I hold out longer than Dr. B. says I am going to. And I also need to get a black shirt for Pat. So they would be ready for my funeral. Hey, I don't even really believe in funerals, but that is were my mind took me. And it wasn't pretty. Nancy really helped me see that A. I was being controlling (me, controlling, huh?) and B. Pat and Bennett will be fine. That the sadness, anger and crying are out of love and that there is nothing that I can do about it. My spirit will be somewhere else. And maybe Bennett would like to wear a purple dress, and maybe Pat would not like to wear a black shirt. And it's none of my business. I felt better, then I cried through the amazing acupuncture session.

So right now I am very tired. I had a two hour nap this afternoon, it was heavenly. Pat made me a delicious and healthy dinner and I am luck that I had an appetite for it. I will put B to bed and try not fall asleep with her. Tomorrow to Worcester - hopefully before the snow comes.