A Fine Day

Today I left the house for more than just getting the mail or taking out the recycling. It was good, but it reminded me that I am not 100%. I have the crud that Bennett had, so now I am on antibiotics. I swear it is pretty scary when you get a little crud and it can be the thing that gets you. I think my immune system is fine, especially with the Neulasta, but it still makes me a little nervous.

That was a pretty dramatic beginning for what has been a very fine day. Let skip back to last night. B had some kind of nightmare/tantrum that lasted from about 9 to 11. It was very intense and sad. She was crying and weeping and calling out for me and Pat, but wouldn't let us touch her. Finally we just grabbed her in a big bear hug and she calmed down. She fell asleep in my arms at around midnight. Pat and I stayed up a little while and worried. What could be wrong? This morning I asked her if she remembered why she was crying, she said I was to put on my thinking head to think about it. She didn't want to know that I was already thinking about a million bad things that can happen to a kid.

Anyway, after I failed at putting on my thinking head, we all were off to swimming lessons. Bennett spent the whole time with a scowl on her face, trying to swim across the pool with her arms crossed. Luckily Sandy and Avy were there and we all went out for a snack at the Dam Cafe. It was just the right amount of activity for me. We went home and snuggled down for the afternoon. B was happy just hanging out with us and being with her stuff. I talked to her a lot, trying to figure out what was up. She finally told me that she was exhausted and that she didn't have anything scary. I felt better, but I know this is the event that makes me think that I have to really sit and tell her that I have cancer. She knows that I have chemo, that I go to the docs a lots, and I have been reading her a book about a mom who has cancer. But I have to really tell her. How to do it? I guess I will know the opportunity when I see it. Right?

So B is sleeping soundly with her Barbie who is all tucked in with her own flashlight and wash cloth blankets. I am posting while Pat is teaching at Hampshire. Here's a picture of me that B took. I like it because I can see in my eyes how much I love her.