I haven't posted the last few days because all I would have posted was "ugh." I am still a little bit ugh-y, but at least I took a shower and did a few (very minor) chores today. Dr B was right, this time wasn't as hard as last time, because I wasn't getting a virus, but really it pretty much sucked. My eyes hurt all day yesterday and it feels like getting the flu every two weeks and having to get over it in three days.
Ruth and I hatched a devilish plan for a reality TV show called "the oncologist gets the chemo." I propose that Dr. B. be the first contestant.
Pat had been her usual rock self. The laundry is done, the house is pretty tidy and we are stocked with foods that are supposed to entice me. Ugh. I only want pizza, cinnamon toast and oatmeal. And tea.
I don't have much to report. Bennett has been great. A little heartbreaking at moments. Last night while we were putting her to bed she told us that we were allowed to die after she was grown up, that she needed us to stay alive to take care of her while she was little. Pat and I both were in tears. I told her we would do the best we could, but there was no way to know when someone was going to die. Then today she asked me where heaven was. Well, I lamely told her it was in the clouds. I need a better answer. Anyone got a good answer for where heaven is? I told her it was the coziest place and that angels and God lived there, and when people went to heaven they never came back. Then I told her it was not a scary thing, but a beautiful place to be. It was very hard not to cry, like right now.
In other news, my friend Jessica fell and broke her shoulder 6 weeks before her twins are due. It's a good thing she has a get-it-done attitude, because even a brave single mom would find this situation a little daunting. I told her she should write a book about her journey to having those kids. Personally, I can't wait to meet the little Ruthies.
I am going to spend the rest of the evening reading to B and helping her to bed. Hanging with Pat and going to bed. I am still fighting the coughing crud, but tonight I will brave the night without cough medicine. We'll see how long I last. I could use some words of encouragement, if you have some to spare.
Bennett really gets to the root of what's going on; kids are like that. They have some kind of crazy radar that picks up on what's important around them. Too bad the radar goes haywirej for most of us as we age. Your explanation or heaven was great - very comforting for B.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Ruth, I am just catching up on your blog and very happy to hear the good news of that tumor shrinking!! You are doing a great job of taking it day by day, week by week. Today is a new day and the start of a chemo-free week, when the clouds lift and you get your life back. And you have lots to look forward to, including that big vaca in St. Lucia.
ReplyDeleteThat's a hard conversation to have with B; I don't have any good answers about what heaven is (do any of us really know?), but I think your explanation works for a four-year-old.
Anyway, thinking of you guys and hope to see you soon.
Hugs-Sandy