Post 273

Every time I look at how many posts I have posted, I am amazed at the number. 273 seems like a lot, but it also feels like it all went by in an instant.

I had a really good day. I never tire of writing that. I am so lucky to have so many good days. I know some people who are on the same chemo I am and they are really really struggling. Okay, I know that I am on a sort of chemo break right now so I am feeling extra good, but still... I have chemo again next week and am trying hard not to think about it. Nancy says that if I think about the chemo day over and over, it is like I am having that day over and over instead of just once. So I remind myself not to fear it, not to think about it over and over and just let it be whatever it's going to be. Ruth is coming with me, and I haven't seen her for about three weeks. We will have plenty of time to catch up - she is an excellent chemo partner.

B and I went to the CSA farm we belong to today. It was lovely, hot and full of fun. We met Sandy and Avy, had ice cream sandwiches, played on the new play structure and got our veggies. Because B decided to roll around in the sandbox and then jump on me, we both needed showers when we got home. I got to then cook up a nice meals with good veg. I just love that farm. I love to watch B and A run around in the safety of the farm space, to go exploring and be exposed to all the goodness there - and I like it too. B fell asleep half way through One Fish Two Fish. I needed her to fall asleep early tonight. I had a rough night sleeping last night.

I will tell you why. I didn't take my Atavan because I am running out and our health insurance got screwed up this month and we don't have any. My chemo will be payed for by a program called Health Safety Net, but I don't know if drugs are covered, so I stupidly tried to cut down on my meds. Pat reminded me that we can pay for some Atavan. Duh. I really should have thought of that myself. We will have insurance again in July, thank God. I actually sobbed on the phone with the insurance people when I found out, it was so distressing. I asked the guy who was helping me if he would want his mother treated the way I was being treated. He got really mad and defensive and said that wasn't a fair question. I told him I just wanted to remind him that I was someone's mother too and that leaving me with a gap in health insurance while being in treatment for cancer seemed inhumane. I hope my words help him try to change things, tho I think that is a very high expectation as he is just the guy who answers the phone.

So tonight I will take my Atavan, curl up with Pat and have a good sleep. I wish you all a good night too.