Chemo Manana

I could not for the life of me figure out how to get this ~ over the n. In keeping with my international tomorrow is chemo titles, today we have my pathetic version of Spanish. I am sure my mom will write me an email explaining how to get the ~ over the n and maybe even how to get accents where they belong. They may or may not work - I am a Mac girl and she is my PC mom. We agree on many many things, and she just got an iPad, so there is hope.

Today I have been thinking a lot about how I spend my days. You know the big question that plagues people with cancer - I assume, but have no evidence, I only know it plagues me- is Is this the way I want to spend my time/day/moment? Most of the time the answer is yes. Even when I am washing Bennett's hair and she is screaming in my ear that I am a rotten mother (not in those exact words). Today I was also remarking to myself about how my life hasn't changed that much. I still do a lot of work around the house, I do house improvement projects (today I installed the switch plates and three lamps in the new bathroom), I still worry about money and canning and how ugly my feet are. It's still pretty much how my life is. Once big change is I let things go much easier. Have I really weeded the backyard this year? Nope. Do I pay attention to the leftovers in the fridge? Not really. Do I buy more stuff than ever on line? Yep. This I can't explain. Sometimes I think it is retail therapy, sometimes I remind myself that 99% of the time it's stuff we need, sometimes I think I am trying to make sure that B&P have all they need in case I cut out a little earlier than expected.

So I have chemo tomorrow. Chemo always always makes me think of dying and death. There isn't a more potent example in my life that I have cancer than chemo. Maybe being bald, but now I have some cute hats and it's cool in the hot weather, etc. I am anticipating that is will all go smoothly, that I will watch a movie with Pat, that we will talk about what projects we are going to work on next, my chemo eyes will set in and I will come home and feel yuck. But I feel pretty damn good right now, so I am going to enjoy the rest of my evening with Pat (B is asleep), and I am going to answer yes to Is this how I want to spend this moment.