Low on the Hope-o-Meter

Or is Hopometer? I don't know. I think what happened on Thursday is still throwing me for a loop. I still feel a little sad and mopey. I am sure Nancy would have a thing or two to say - and she is always right. I just can't conjure her up right now. I will try again later.

It was a beautiful day today and it sort of went by without me acknowledging it in any way. I worked cleaning my studio area for about an hour this morning. It's a total disaster - covered with saw dust and tools and stuff with no home (yet). I had a quick lunch and went to see Hop with Bennett and Aunt Ruth. It was fun to eat too much buttery popcorn and watch B watch the movie. She stood up and danced with all the music and loved up Aunt Ruth a lot. I got home we all worked a little bit on B's room. The floor is in, the base boards are in - Pat did a great job, and now the decorating begins. The storage units we bought are built and perfect. Now we have to start the big migration of toys and stuff strewn all over the house into Bennett's own room. Thank the heavens, it's about time!

Pat took B to the park and a tag sale where B scored a Cinderella carriage with a little Cinderella and a little Prince. Tonight when I put her to bed she asked me "mom-o can you hear the beautiful music? The are dancing in the palace and playing quiet music for us to go to sleep to. I can hear it, can you?" I wish I could have heard the music she heard.

That's the day. I am feeling a little low. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I am trying not to go down the chemo spiral and end up in bed. I could be nerves, I have a CT scan on the 28th and I feel sort of pooh about it. There is no way the results will get me off chemo, so what's the point? Oh, this is bad thinking, but it's how I feel. The goal of the scan is to find out whether the new drugs are as fabulous as they say. Let's all cross our fingers.

I need to go now. I am going to do what I need to do. It may be the dulce de leche ice cream in the freezer, it might be a couple of episodes of Top Chef, or maybe off to bed.