Pooped

I know, I know, I swore I wouldn't lead with how tired I am, but I can't stop myself. I am so pooped out. I can't really believe. I am not really even sure what happened. I spent the morning cooking with Bennett. We made pumpkin custard and sour cherry crumble (with the sour cherry that thawed out in the freezer during the storm). It was super fun to cook with B, she likes to stir and pour and break eggs. And of course as soon as the pumpkin custard came out of the over she wanted to have some. It was 9:30am, but she had some anyway.

I might be pooped because of the time change. I haven't slept well the past two nights. I did four loads of laundry in the past two days and I also made a big pot of stew. But then again, I took a nap this afternoon. Pat took B swimming for an hour and half, then to the part. Needless to say, B was starving and tired when she got home. She fell asleep in about 10 seconds.

I have been having some anxiety about this week's chemo appt. I have to see Dr. B's assistant who is very nice. What I am worried about is we are going to schedule a scan. I know we have to have one to prove that this drug is working, but I have high high anxiety that it might not be. I never really worried this hard with the old drugs, because I thought Dr. B had a bunch of other options for me. But now that I know that this is the last one, I am totally freaked out. If I stay in the moment, I am okay, but if I move out to the big picture, it's not pretty. I am just going to have to believe Dr B when he told me that he believed that the drug was working and that he has seen it work for people for a year or more. Please God give me that year.

I am going to go now. I need to delve into the alternate reality of my book. It's safer there then in my own head tonight.