Nineteen days after my last treatment, I finally got some chemo. I am so glad to be sitting here with my pump that Bennett says sounds like a kitty meowing. I have been sneezing all evening, and remember the last time the same thing happened. Could it be another strange side effect?
There was a do or die moment - my WBC were only 1300, they usually want them to be 1500 for treatment, but because they turned me away last week, they made an exception. I am prepared to feel slammed down after this treatment, especially staring with lower WBCs. I am hoping not to and have a list of things I would like to get done tomorrow, but if my love quilt calls my name, I will be under it.
I have an appointment with Dr B on Wednesday. I heard the nurse tell him I was asking for Neulasta. Instead he lowered the does of Irinotecan. I cried. I don't like it when they "dose reduce." I know they are trying to find the most effective dose for MY body, but I don't want less medicine, I want this to be big medicine. My sage friend Ruth reminded me that sometimes the biggest tool is not the most effective - sometimes the little hammer is what you need to do the job with the most precision. I will work on adopting that philosophy.
What am I going to do tomorrow? Pick up meds, work on glass and walk the dog. These are my goals- if I can do them. Try to get enough calories. I must be doing something right because I weighed exactly what I weighed last week - 99kg. That is 217 - I started this process at 245, so I still feel like I need to keep the calories up up up. It's not that easy because I have a weird taste in my mouth, my mouth always feels dry and my belly is so picky. I had to eliminate tuna with mayo (protein and fat galore) because I realized it was the thing that was giving me so much gas that my belly made the bed springs shake. Good news though, is that polenta seems to agree with me and I love polenta. It's so strange what becomes important when you can't really eat. Honestly, I wouldn't eat half what I force down if I didn't have to. The Ensures are becoming my mainstays and that is saying something. I think I already said that I just think of them like medicine and that makes them go down easier. Now I just wish they didn't cost an arm and a leg...
Time for bed. I am praying for an easy sleep, energy for tomorrow, power and courage. Pray with me, will you?
Woo-Who! You got chemo and we got our Internet back. Nice to read your post on something bigger than my Blackberry and to reply on the page, instead of in a text message.
ReplyDeleteI love your friend Ruth's advice to you so often, and again she comes through for you here.
Rest. Woosh. Power. Courage. Small Tools. I'm praying for all of it for you! Love you, Jim.
Now if there ever was a comfort food, it was polenta. If eaten under a love quilt, well, words can't describe...
ReplyDeleteSounds like a lot to do today, even if they only battered you with a little hammer. Try to take it easy and let those WBCs multiply back up.