It might not seem like a big deal to post with seltzer, but for a long time I couldn't drink anything with bubbles. So now when I drink it, I am reminded about how much better my digestive system is than it used to be. Yay for that.
Libby and her Dad, Uncle Dave, just left. We all went out for Vietnamese dinner and had a nice evening. When we told B that Libby was leaving she was bereft. I don't blame her. Libby is a wonderful cousin and super attentive. I don't even need to tell you the crepe breakfast was delicious. I told Pat that the crepes were great but that I still felt like crepe.
That's pretty much been my day - sort of going in and out of feeling okay and then really crappy. My heart is beating too fast for my comfort and I feel scared in a way I haven't felt in a while. The fear is a response to the chemo. It always makes me feel like I am dying - not literally but something like literally. It's just a mean reminder of the cancer and I can tell you I am sick of having cancer. It's been 9 months of chemo, so far. No end in sight and I feel just shitty about it. I know that I should be more grateful, that I know some people who have such a terrible time with chemo that they don't really every recover between treatments. I am lucky that I get at least 9 or 10 days of feeling pretty good to great out of every 14 day cycle. But sometimes I just need to pause to feel shitty. And that is what I am doing right now. Just for this moment, not forever, maybe not even five minutes from now, but I need the freedom to just be in the mire right now.
It's a pretty stinky place to be. Don't stick around. I am not going to either.
Living in the moment... includes feeling shitty in the moment that you feel shitty. Right? so, it's oK to feel shitty for a moment...when you feel shitty. As long as you stop feeling shitty when the moment passes. (thats kind of cute...teeheee!) Hopefully that moment for you has passed and you feel sunshinny!
ReplyDeletePeace, Karen B