B- Bursting Balloons, a Carol King song that is stuck in my head. I sing it to Bennett a lot and I really love it. I think it helps me cope. I know that when I am trying to get through a particularly hard moment, I sing the whole song, A through Z, and it makes me feel better. Carol King is good for getting through things with.
I had an excellent day today - and I mean excellent. B and I had a day on the town, shopping, going out for lunch and ice cream, and the toy store. It was so much fun and I got a great hat the color of red poppies. Bennett got some purple shoes and it was a total pleasure to share ice cream with such a nice kid.
I feel good but have a little stress. That stress is from reading all the rules and regulations about disability payments. There are a LOT of rules about how I have to keep track of the money and how it can't be mixed in with other money in joint accounts. The bank account has to be titled a very specific way, and they can audit us at any time. So, tomorrow I go to the bank to open a new account so I can be all legal and everything and get rid of the stress. I told Pat this is another reason not to die - I have to keep track of the paperwork. I have a long, long list of reasons to stay alive. Not to worry, not dying anytime soon. I keep hearing the surgeon, Dr W, say to me when I asked him what it would be like to die and the best part of his response was "you are nowhere near that, nowhere near that at all." I keep that close to my heart and it keeps me sane.
So now you know a couple of ways I keep myself from running screaming in the street, which was the way I felt when I was first diagnosed. Now I just feel pretty fine on such a fine day.
The bureaucracy of illness is ridiculous. My friend Helen (who has cancer) was told that to get medical insurance for travelling she had to guarantee she'd be dead within the year. They probably send someone round to finish you off if you get it wrong.
ReplyDeleteI cannot wait to see B's purple shoes. I'm starting to make plans for when you are here. Everyone wants to meet you guys, so be prepared for some socialising.
PS - Thought the hat was a good choice after seeing it on Skype today.
Hell! Rules and regulations, paperwork and bank accounts alone are enough to send me running into the street most days. You are once again my hero, Ruth! I learn a lot from you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Carol King (whom I love), Bob and I saw James Taylor last night (whom I also love). We saw them together last year and I thought of you. It was like spending the evening with your favorite goofy aunt (the one that played with you as a kid) and your favorite melancholic uncle. It was gentle, and fun, and bitter-sweet and loving. I thought of you even before I now come to find out you think of Carol King as someone "good for getting through things with." You should start watching for when she tours anywhere near Massachusetts. Her concerts are so generous and energizing.