Ambien Schambien

So I go in for chemo and I tell the doc that I am still really having trouble falling asleep. She give me a prescription for Ambien. I was so excited to finally have something that was going to knock me out. I read the warnings, actually Ruth read them and gave me a synopsis. This is the drug that has made people sleep-eat, sleep-drive, and have sleep-sex. That being noted, I took it on an empty stomach, I read my book until I felt drowsy and then I was locked into a world where I was not asleep but could not open my eyes. It was awful. It was not sleep - it was some twilight zone hell that took hours to get out of. I finally really fell asleep around 5am when Bennett crawled into my arms to sleep. Needless to say I will not be taking that crap again. And I would advise against anyone taking it.

I have been a little tired today, but am trying to take in the words of Nancy who says to experience each day as it comes and not to base the days of chemo on how I have felt in the past. It is good advice, hard to stick to. On August 17 it will be a year since I started chemo, so I feel like I have a lot of experience knowing how I feel after chemo, but I will still try for the clean slate idea.

Bennett is asleep. This is the second night in a row she has fallen asleep before 6. This morning she woke up around 6:30 and we had a long conversation. It was wonderful. It was mostly about her doctor's visit today and whether today was the day she gets her pump. It makes me sad when she asks about having a pump, but I try to remember what Nancy says - that Bennett see me as perfect and wants to be like me and that includes the pump. So I told her she had to make due with shots today. She didn't even cry.

Here are some pictures to cheer me up:

Remember when I had hair? I do. It was nice hair. I miss it.

Here is Zeus being a very good and handsome boy.

And here are the two people I love the most. They are my world.