I have a Cold

Want a chemo doc to call you back in about a minute? Call and tell them you have a cold. I am now on Cipro antibiotics. The idea is the virus can set up an environment for a bacterial infection and since I have so few WBC, it can get scary. Why does every normal thing have to be so fraught?

Dr B's first question was, is your daughter sick? Well, of course, we all are. What was I supposed to do when I saw first Pat then B getting sick? Move? Leave the house? Where would I go and how terrible that would be. So Pat slept on the couch and we thought that would be enough - like last time. Oh, actually last time I slept in the back room. Must remember that for next time - because that time P&B got sick but I didn't. 

I am feeling a lot better today, mentally that is. I felt a sort of lifting this morning, I don't know what it was, but I will take it. I took B to school, walked Zeus and went and got gas. Came home paid the bills and make some calls, including to Dr. B. After picking up the meds, I went to bed. It seemed like the safest place to go. I don't want a bacterial infection in my lungs and my colds always go to my lungs. I watched a little TV on the computers, tried to nap but kept waking myself up with a cough, or more mortifying, a snort. 

I also gave up the idea that the CT scan will ever be scheduled. Three weeks ago I thought the scan was all set for Nov 29 with a follow up appointment on the 30th- to get all the good news and I am sure there is going to be some. The scan department does not yet have any record of my scan appointment, so I am going to give this one up to God and let the appointment be scheduled for when it will be. Then we can reschedule the follow up (and all the rides and childcare we've arranged, damn.).  Of course I want to have the scan and find out how effective all this chemo (and rest and prayers and sending of of the good light my way) has been. I also fear the words "it's not working." I have to say, and this is not Denial, I have some indication that the main tumor is smaller. If you must know what those indicators are I will just tell you it has to do with pooping, so I will not get into details. Folks with kids and dogs know how much the world revolves around poop and what it reveals. Not everyone wants to talk about it. Thus, I will stop.

Tomorrow the CL is coming. That is the cleaning lady. The gas company is coming to fix our heating stove, and I have reflexology in the morning. I will have to catch a nap in there and that will make a full day. According to Jim's comment, I am allowed to ask you all to tell me how much you love me. So I am going to be doing that periodically. Like now. I think that will help me feel more connected to you all. I have been feeling pretty isolated and want to feel more connected. So have at it. I love you too.

Quick Post - 30 Minutes or Less

I don't have a ton of time. I have exactly 30 minutes before I need to wake Pat up so we can have our after-Benett-goes-to-sleep time together. And tonight is especially important because Pat is leaving tomorrow for the weekend. She is going to her mom's memorial service in Western NY. In all the hullaballo surrounding me, Pat hasn't gotten the attention she deserves and it makes me really sad. Betty was a fine lady who lived a good and full life and I am glad I knew her.  I will be bold and ask that you all pray in any way you do for a safe trip for Pat - and Betty too, while we're at it.

I had a particularly nice day today. It was rainy and B and I stayed in. We did a lot of nothing much. Just painted, read books, looked for more free children's eBooks (any ideas? I am coming up with a bunch of junk.). Bennett wanted her nails painted - a request out of the blue. Luckily we had green and red nail polish. Now B's toes are green and three of her fingers are red. The red nail polish actually washed off in the bath. I've never seen such a thing, usually it takes years to wear off. We napped and generally had a great time.

I think my super sad night last night helped me connect with B better today. I thought it might be the opposite - make me want to be less close because of my fear of loss. Yay for me, I didn't push her away. It was a lovely day.

My dear friends Ruth and Theo have colds, so are not allowed to come by this weekend. I will miss them while they take good care of themselves. We are all going to miss their usual visit- especially with Pat gone. Luckily I just set up a Skype account and know how to call Ruth. Let me know if you want me account name and we can Skype together.

I don't have much else to report. I ordered my annual pair of birthday shoes from my mom about a month late. They came less than 24 hours later. How do they do that? Why doesn't Holyoke have a Internet grocery service? My sister who lives in England, in what Google maps makes look like the middle of nowhere, has it. This area seems like just the right neighborhood for grocery delivery and a Trader Joe's in the Holyoke mall, maybe next to Barnes and Noble, while we are thinking wishfully.

I am sick of my own sad cooking. Not being allowed to touch fruits and veg make it hard to come up with tasty food from scratch - actually impossible. Anyone out there want to make some smooth, high calorie soup for me? It just has to be smooth and tasty.

This seems like a post where I want people to do things for me. Pray for Pat, deliver my groceries, bring me new shoes, make me soup. Odd when I usually am so independent. Things have really changed in the past few months. I would have never asked anyone to do anything for me - but now it's really the only way I can thrive/survive. What would I do without Theo's beef broth? What would I do without R&T getting our farm share for us every week - not that I can touch any of it, but still. What would I do without Liz and Julie at the ready to take Bennett? There are so many to be grateful to, I can't list them. Thank you all. Really, that's all I can say. Three minutes to spare.