All is Well

Pat is gone for the weekend - or at least she was gone today and I haven't heard when she is planning to come home. There was some talk that she might come home in the wee hours of the night tonight. Of course, that would be my choice, but all and all B&I had a great day.

It started at 6am when Pat left. Bennett did not want to go back to sleep, but was content to play while I lolled around in bed until 8. What a great kid. We painted, we played, we took Zeus for a short walk (we were chilly and had to turn around). Midway through the morning B told me her hair was hurting her eyes, so I asked if she wanted a haircut. She said yes. I told her I would just do her bangs and when I was done with her bangs, she told me to cut the back. Now she looks like Amalie again (from the French movies, that I am sure I spelled wrong). Aunt Julie arrived at 1:30 to save the day and take B to the Eric Carle Museum. I got a nap and did some laundry. It was a good time.

A little tea and Dora and it was time for dinner and bed. B is sound asleep, I feel good. I feel like I accomplished something really big- I took care of B all day and have been diligently keeping my thoughts here, now. Bennett took a tumble today and hurt her lip, I was on the phone with Ruth and yelled into the phone, "I will call you back" and hung up. Five minutes later, Aunt Ruth to the rescue. So I had a lot of help and a lot of love today to get me through, but it hardly felt like something to get through. It just felt like life. My life. What a wonderful way to feel.

A Rough Good Day

I didn't think I was going to post tonight, but I need it. It's been a rough day and good day. A friend of my had a tragic family event and this has been on my mind a lot. Life is so fragile, so tenuous and yet all we want to do is live. How can the two exist at the same time?

Every spring when I worry whether the plants will come back, I remind myself that all the plants want to more than anything is to live, make seeds and flourish. Isn't that what we all want? Well, maybe not make seeds exactly. My mom, who is excellent in many ways, said she doesn't want to die because she wants to see what happens. I couldn't agree more.

Heavy stuff here, but that's what I got. My belly feels much better after a day of no dairy except yogurt and kiefer. Holy crap, what am I going to eat now? Some of you know this, I have to be super careful about what I eat because I cannot, repeat cannot, block my colon. Where it perforated is very tender and I am working on making it stronger by eating soft foods, drinking tons of water and not picking up anything weighing more than about ten pounds. Sadly, that includes Bennett. I am going to check with my doc tomorrow to see if all of these things still need to be true. My guess is yes, dag-nabbit.

So how was it a good day? I got the day. That's a terrific start. I got to hang out with Bennett, go to the mall, get a new laptop (super yay!) and hang out with Sandy and Avy. My belly feels about 50% better and I bet it will be even better tomorrow. The electrician was here putting the lights in the new bedroom and I am turning 45 on Friday. I got to help B go to sleep with books and stories. It's been a nice day, I am glad and thankful for the day and for the gift of tomorrow.

Ah, tomorrow, Chemo Tuesday. Please send your light my way. I am especially interested in light that will help me not slur my speech, God knows I want to be in partnership with the chemo drugs not allergic to them.  I will be in the chair around 10:30 with Pat by my side, playing Scrabble again? I'll let you know.