I Should Have Posted Last Night

I really should have posted last night. Instead I got sucked into the idea that watching some TV on Netflix would be more relaxing. Well, I dipped into an episode of Nip/Tuck, which is usually about two womanizing, ultra-rich, plastic surgeons and their adventures. This episode, of course, had to be about one of the men finding out he had stage-two breast cancer and his response - more womanizing, breaking things, drinking too much, screaming a lot about how he was dying. Not a good show for me to watch. I start to get a little wigged out when people talk about stages of cancer and I remember that the cancer in my non-TV body that is now being pummeled by chemo is stage four. I get a little jealous of people with cancer at less than stage four.

It's all very bizarre.

Then Pat and I decided that we should take the recommendation to watch Weeds, a show about a newly widowed woman who deals pot in her tony suburb. It's a good show, this episode just happened to be all about how the kids were adjusting to the loss of their dead father. At this point, Pat and I just got up and went to bed. 

I should have posted last night. That is the moral of this story. TV, movies, and most books have some sort of event, and by event, you know what I mean. Some horrible tragic hurt that the story revolves around. I just don't need that at all. I have my own event that I am trying to manage. With a goal of managing it gracefully when I can. It doesn't always happen the way I want, but I sure give it the best try I can.

I had a lovely evening with Bennett last night. Pat was at her Tai Chi class, and I got to put B to bed by myself. She loves her new school so much, I can tell because she has been telling lots of stories. We read books, I told her a story, she told me about five stories, then sang me a song that she made up. It went like this "oh my heart, oh my heart, my sweet little baby, go to sleep." I just about burst into tears of mixed up joy and sadness. What a gift to have such a life around me. 

And that's the thing I have to remember when I am trying to escape into TV. The only real place worth escaping to is my real life. That is where the joy and relief come from. To talk to the people I love, have a little prayer and light, that's where it's really at. Can I hear an amen? Amen.