Had a less hard day today, not great, but okay. Spent a lot of time under the duvet on the futon worrying and being anxious. There was crying and gnashing of teeth, but I think I am 75% better. Pat stayed home from work to work on the house and to work on me. It helped to hear her banging around and to come comfort me every once and awhile.
There still is nothing new, the best way I can put yesterday's freak out is that is felt like I was getting the diagnosis all over again. And it will happen again and again during this process. I just have to know that and assimilate it so that it doesn't knock me out every time. I am not sure how I will do this, but I am going to try with all my might.
I don't have much else to say. I had reflexology today. It was wonderful, as always. I did not want to leave the table. I felt like if I just stayed there, I would be okay for the rest of my life. Alas, I had to get up and go out into the world. Luckily there was a big rainbow in the sky when I got outside. That reminded me that I am not alone - the you all are with me. That God is with me. That we are all in this as together as we can be - while I actually get the treatments.
Ruth, you are probably asleep by now (and I should be, too) . . . but always know that you are not alone in this. There are so many people out there thinking of you every day, praying for you, and holding you in their hearts. I believe there is immense power in that. Sometimes I read your words and I do not know what to say. Everything seems so trite in response to what you are feeling and having to go through.
ReplyDeleteAlmost every day I run into someone who asks about you, and not out of curiosity, but out of deep, genuine concern. I don't know if this gives you any comfort, but I hope it does.
I hope we get to see you and Bennett tomorrow.
Hugs.