Hello I am Still Alive

I am not sure what I've written that may have conveyed that I am dying - as far as I am concerned I am not. Okay, if you want to get all philosophical on me, we are all dying from the moment we are born, yadda yadda. But, right now, this very minute, I am very much alive and kicking. So, please, no more drunken reading of this blog, and sad depressing emails. When I know something, I promise I will tell you all. Until then, I have five chemo treatments to get through until the next scan. One scan at a time, please.

Here I am, with a little less hair, and one of the five jars of pickled peppers I canned today. Some of you might remember that I pledged to preserve pickled hot cherry peppers and carrots this year - see post You Got the C-A-N Right. They smelled so good while they were cooling off, I wanted to rip a jar open and eat it right there. Irony being what it is, I can't really eat pickles or hot peppers. It felt great to do something I love to do, that is easy, and takes less than an hour. I have the tiniest touch of fatigue.

I had a great day today - thank God after yesterday's sour-pussedness. I will admit to praying for better patience and clarity today, especially talking to Bennett. It worked. Why is it that once you ask for something out loud, it comes? It's genius.

I walked the dog by myself, Pat went to her class where she is learning to make glass bugs, Bennett and I had three hours to play and hang out before Aunt Ruth came over. B was so much calmer that R and I actually got to sit a talk for awhile before B commandeered Ruth away for games of all kinds and a walk outside on this blustery day. I got to can, rest, finish book four of Harry Potter, with a little worrying here and there. I don't start the serious worrying until about four or five in the afternoon. At that point, I think I am spent from holding it together, maybe the fatigue kicks in. Maybe it's simply the winding down of another day? I don't know. I am getting better at this time in the afternoon (I am tempted to call it cocktail hour, but none of that either) every day.

I do know that I am going to end this post by quoting the last line of The Goblet of Fire. "And as Hagrid had said, what would come, would come...and he would have to meet it when it did." Time to go sharpen my sword.