Scanxiety

I had my scan today. It was mostly fine. The hospital was very quiet because of the holiday weekend. I didn't see another patient, and only two or three workers. The first person who helped me had on a sweatshirt that said "prayer, the original wireless connection." I took that as a good sign.

The scan went exactly as I described yesterday - way too much tropical flavored Barium drink. No radio isotopes, I guess, just barium. I drank it over the hour, they popped me in the machine, made me feel like I peed my pants, took the images and when we were done I started to shake uncontrollably- teeth chattering the whole bit. They wrapped me in hot blankets and let me lie down for a few minutes, it was weird. Ruth says it was my body's way of releasing tension and anxiety. I believe that because after the scan, lying in those hot blankets, I could have fallen right to sleep.

I had to wait to get home to do that. I got home around noon, took a full pill of Atavan and crawled into bed. I needed it. I slept for about an hour and half and had a nice afternoon with Pat and Bennett. I think I still feel a little of that Atavan all these hours later - very calm.  It could also be that I am so grateful the scan is done. I don't know.

I do know, however, that this week is going to be hard to get through. Just day by day, that's the only way to get through it. I have chemo on Wednesday - another big one with Neulasta. I am not nervous about that this time. Unless there's some cumulative effect I don't know about. There is always so much that I don't know about.

At the beginning of November, when Pat and I wrote everything down on the calendar, November seemed like it was going to be impossible to get through. And now we are almost through it. Thank God. I have to admit all of the things we thought we were going to be able to do, we couldn't do. But that's okay. We all just did what we needed to do, with tons of help. and we got by relatively unscathed. So far. So let's all keep our fingers crossed that the week goes okay. I am hoping for as much patience as I can muster. So far, so good.