A Half and Half Day

Really I should say the day was 3/4 crappy and ended well. Well, it hasn't even ended yet, but I am predicting that all will continue to be okay for the next two or three hours- um, two hours. I am pooped, though that is not new.

The day started with me feeling faint and dizzy. I spent most of the morning and early afternoon lying down. That was all I could do. I tried to sort the laundry and ended up prone on the bed with weird colors before my eyes. I took that as a sign. I dozed on and off until noon, woke up for my second Ensure of the day and hung out with Bennett on the futon. Beryl and Ali brought over delicious potato soup made with a secret ingredient - love - it said so on the ingredient list. I had a bowl of love soup for lunch and went back to bed under my love quilt. I went back to bed after Pat took Bennett over to Sandy's to play with BFF Avy for a couple of hours. It was really good for all of us. Pat stayed home sick, and still had to take care of us. So having respite in the afternoon was a Godsend.

We spent that time dozing some more. And when Pat went to get B, they had to go to the store. While they were at the store, I listened to a chemo visualization tape. It's a little strange, but really helpful. I felt much much better after. Much more hopeful and I have to say with that tape it's the first time I've imagined my liver nice and pink and free from tumors. That is a very nice image.

I forgot to mention that Dr. B. called. My relationship with him is one of a lot of anxiety. I am not sure how it happened that when I think of meeting with him, or talking to him, I get a surge of panic. I am sure it's because we are always talking about cancer and tumors and treatment when we meet. He called to tell me the next time I get chemo they are going back to my original dose - that is twice what I got this week. I will get that plus the Neulasta (WBC shot). He said I can expect to feel bad for five days after this next chemo. Something to look forward to. I am pretty sure he is trying to get me all chemo'ed up before my scan. I am supposed to have a CT scan at the end of this month to make sure we are on the right track.

He also called to tell me that this certain blood marker that had gone up (bad) after going down for four tests in a row, had gone back down (good). And that the up measurement could be considered an anomaly. Let's pray that continues- the going down part, I mean. It was also revealed that my scan has not actually been scheduled and that's a big bummer. I have to work that out on Monday.

November is going to be a hard month with lots of days when we are going to need help. I am putting that out there, because I know there are people out there who sometimes wonder if we need help. The answer is yes. Mostly with taking care of Bennett during the week. Maybe picking her up from school and keeping her until we get home from Worcester. That kind of thing. We are going to look at the calendar for more exact dates, but if anyone out there can lend a hand, let me know. We really really know that we couldn't do this without so much help. Just today Beryl, Sandy and Snow Farm all gave us a hand and that brings me to tears. As Pat says, people are good.