I Have Nothing to Be Afraid Of

What a weekend! Yesterday Pat and I took off to New York City for a big surprise 50th birthday party for my friend Bob. Now, friend hardly describes how I feel about my relationship to Bob. We met physically over 20 years ago, but have known each other spiritually much longer. He is a very special person who helped me learn about love and friendship and family and all good things.

So, Aunt Liz and Aunties Ruth and Theo tagged-teamed taking care of Bennett, while Pat and I drove to the city, got ready, walked 40 blocks (which sounds like a lot, but is only about 2 miles), and I got picked up in a limo. Two hours later, the ten of us in the limo, along with some guys who were playing Arabic music, arrived at Gramercy Tavern. Ten or more folks were there (including my fine Pat) to meet us and we ate delicious food, listened to more good Arabic music and watched a belly dancer. What a night. I couldn't really eat that much, which was a shame because the food was so good. I took one bite of the fois gras and remembered that it was liver and that was that. I gave it to my companion on the left and she happily ate it.

Everyone was really nice to me and I had some especially moving conversations with one of Bob's sisters. She was like a rock. That's the only way I can describe how I experienced her. When I met her, the first thing she did was bless me. The last thing she said to me while I was saying goodbye was "don't be afraid." Mind you, I hadn't talked to her about being scared. I asked her why I shouldn't be afraid and she held both of my arms, looked right at me and said "you have nothing to be afraid of." Talk about carrying a sharp sword. That lady cut right to it and I believed her. I have believed her now, off and on, for 24 hours.

We got back to our gracious friends, Angela and Paolo's, house early, slept and left for home at eight the next morning. Home by noon. Bennett was sort of happy to see us. After all, the fun of Aunties was about to end and that is always sad. I was super glad to see her. Being away from her is being away from the light in her heart. Very hard.

I had a lot of pain in my abdomen this weekend. I am trying to think of it as a gift of love from chemo. This is Angela's idea. And guess what? Today I realized it is a gift from chemo. I have terrible painful gas that roils around noisily in my belly and comes out, um, noisily. You get the picture. The gift part is that I have not had one speck of nausea or diarrhea. My oncologist told me that the meds I am on sometimes give a small percentage of recipients uncontrollable diarrhea. Uncontrollable! And I have been grumpy about gas. Another lesson about gratitude learned. It took almost two weeks, but I got it.

Tuesday is chemo day, mark your calendars.