Thanks for the Love

I really needed it. For some reason I had a very hard day today. Lots of tears and teeth gnashing. Poor Pat, who comforts me through it all. I still don't know what the deal was. It may be that the nice long weekend with Pat and Bennett was over. That we have been talking about when P is going to go back to work. That I did the finances- ouch! It's been three weeks since my surgery and I feel pretty good physically.

I did a lot today. The opposite of what I have been doing for the last three days - which was sitting on my butt. We woke up to more snow - just about an 1 1/2 inches. It was beautiful but messy. I worried when B&P drove off to drop B at school. I cleaned the kitchen, folded the laundry and finally finished priming the damn bookshelf. I did the bills and that is what I could do. I sat for the next few hours and went with Pat to pick Bennett up at school. I am bushed, but in a better way than how I feel sitting on my butt. I will admit that I do have some discomfort in my belly that I didn't have yesterday. Maybe tomorrow I will not do as much. I have reflexology in the morning and that will probably set the tone for relaxation.

Oh, I almost forgot. Dr. B. called me tonight. We are starting chemo again next week. I should say that I am starting chemo next Tuesday. I was shocked. He said four weeks recovery from surgery is enough and I said okay. I am not, repeat not, looking forward to it. I decided that I am going to be braver this time. Last time I got a little too scared and wouldn't do some things that I am going to do this time. I am not going to miss too many B things. I am not going to be so paranoid about germs (within reason) and I am going to plow through the fatigue (if I get any) to have a fuller life. If my life is going to shorter than I want it to be, I am not spending it in bed for god's sake.

I am counting on all of you to help me stay motivated. To remind me to live my life to the fullest and not miss a thing. Swords out everyone, it's time to fight.