Oh Yuck

That is how I feel. Everything smells terrible and tastes even worse. I have been guzzling Ensure all day just to keep up with calories and try to give myself energy.

The day started off fine. Dropping B at school, walking Z, getting B's winter clothes out and ready. Then that was it. Oh, I made a few phone calls and then needed a nap. I slept way too long because all I want to do is go back to sleep. I crept under the love quilt, after reading a book about God my brother-in-law sent my way, and it was snooze city. I didn't wake up until I heard Pat and Bennett come home - two hours later. Now I feel like a lump of unformed clay with a really bad taste in my mouth. You know everyone talks about getting a metallic taste in their mouths from chemo. Mine is just a really bad taste like I haven't brushed my teeth for about a month and the back of my tongue feels really fuzzy. It's pretty gross.

I have to return my pump tomorrow at 1:30 and see Dr. B. at 2. I would bet money he is late, but he is worth waiting for. My goal is to make sure we are on the same page in terms of my treatment. I feel a little adrift at the moment and need some reassurance that we working toward the same thing - my optimal care. I will feel better after talking to him, I know it in my heart.

Julie rescued me from having to drive myself to Worcester. She hooked me up with her friend Ann, who I have met a few times. I was so happy to hear that I had a ride that I cried. I was a little stressed about the drive on my own. It wouldn't have been bad if it was just returning the pump, but the whole seeing the doc and not knowing how long I am going to have to wait, etc. was making me worried about my stamina. Thank God for good friends and generous souls.

In other news, Pat's car came back from the mechanic with a note recommending "vehicle replacement." So we are on to getting another car. We have Holyoke Auto Center on the lookout for us and I sure they will get us what we want- a no-frills Subaru with all wheel drive. I want to AWD car to get us to Worcester this winter. That is my goal. Let's all pray for a mild winter with no ice storms. Okay!

That's about all I have for today. I am wicked beat and need to do something more restful than this - I can't even think what that could be . Maybe staring into space? Sleep, yeah, that's more like what I need.

No Chemo Today

And I am so mad. I spent the last week feeling great and woke up this morning exhausted and in pain. That was not a good sign, and I knew it. I got to Worcester and the first thing I asked Sue was if I got chemo, could she please give me something to sleep through it. A few moments later, I heard her saying to Dr. B. that I was exhausted and my WBC count was 1000 - the minimum. Then they kicked me out. So technically I am neutropenic again.  This I am not happy about. I did everything right last week. I took it easy, I washed my hands to the bone, Bennett and Pat have been diligently changing their clothes when they come home. I have foregone countless hugs from friends whose clothes were not newly changed. And still I couldn't get chemo.

I am so pissed and a little relieved. I have to say that I was so exhausted this morning, I just didn't know how I was going to get through it. I guess I didn't have to. Pat brought me home and I took at three hour nap. I am still tired, if you can believe it. I am going to help Bennett get ready for bed, do a little getting ready for the house cleaner who is coming tomorrow at 9:15. We have to also take Pat's car in for repair and get Bennett to school. Never mind walking Zeus. Who knows when that will happen?

My next appointment for chemo is Monday at 9. Anyone want to come? I am not sure, but I think I need a ride. I haven't been able to figure out the ride situation yet.

More later, my friends. I need to eat some mushy dinner.