Happy Boxing Day

I am not really sure what Boxing Day is, but I know my sister, Mary, who lives in England is having a jolly good time about now. I had a good Boxing Day, celebrated by going to church and spending most of the day with Bennett and the Ipad. The storm is here, and it is very quiet except the wind and the plows.

So that means it's up in the air about getting to Worcester for my pre-op testing tomorrow. I will call them in the morning and see if they are up and running, then we will make a decision about safety, etc. I am anxious to get the tests done and then on to what feels like my last week of freedom.

I know I am supposed to keep my head out of the future, that Nancy would say that the future is God's business, but I am anticipating a lot of time healing and having to be still and quiet. I am trying not to think about pain, because I know that those folks at UMASS are expert at pain management and I will not be in pain if they can help it. So let me stay out of god's business and stay in today.

This is what I have today. I have a loving and lovely family - and extended family and friends. I have a beautiful Christmas tree and a funny dog who loves me. I have two cats who are a pain, but are fuzzy and sweet. I have good friends who love me and call every day to see how I am doing. I have a sister who is willing to come to help me for three weeks of her life. What gifts are these? How can my life be so good while I fear losing it?  I just have to remind myself over and over that I am not dead, that my life is still in me. That I am here and the fear is welcome to get the hell out of here.

Not Much to Say Day

It's been a relatively uneventful day. I still look into the pit of fear once and awhile, but not as much as yesterday. I feel pretty good, I still have some bone pain in my back and upper neck, but not too bad. I was so sure that this week was going to be me in bed feeling awful, but it hasn't been too bad. I did spend quite a bit of time in bed today, just because I could. It was really really good for me to just remember that I was working on healing from chemo and fighting cancer- and that could be what I spend my day doing.

That and playing with Bennett. I took care of her for about four hours this morning and we played a lot of good games. And it is really hard to resist when she says "come on Mom-o dance with me." So we did some dancing, and I loved it. And lovely Sally brought over some grapefruit juice. She is the one who told me about how great grapefruit juice is - it cuts through the dirty sock taste in my mouth and is just right at night.

Pat is working, I am posting, Bennett is sleeping and now I am going to zone out a little. Thanks for your comments, I really count on them to keep my spirits up - so keep them coming.

A Post with No Name

Too tired to come up with anything clever, let alone descriptive. Since I have no idea what I am going to write about, this post will have to live with the name of no name.

I returned the pump today and got my shot. The WBC shot in my arm. Sue says I can expect to feel pretty rotten tomorrow but not to take to the bed. Ha! That is just what I plan to do if I feel bad. I may do some laundry and other house chores, but I am not going to do anything to exhaust myself. Can you exhaust yourself if you start out exhausted? Some of the more unusual side effects of the shot are pretty horrifying- blue lips and nails for one. I can't help but imagine a deep shade of turquoise. The one called "severe bone pain" is another one I would like to avoid. Sue says the most common bone pain is in the spine and sternum. I'll let you know if that happens to me.

Okay, mind shift. I cannot assume that I am going to feel rotten or be exhausted. I must believe that the day will bring what it will and that I will do what I can. Pat is going to work and Bennett is going with her for a time then on to a fun-filled day with Aunt Julie. That is the family plan for tomorrow. I will give you a full report tomorrow night.

Pray for an easy night for all of us. Miss B who is still in an angry phase, Pat who has been fighting a cold for almost two weeks, and for me just because.